"Outatime" - Sneak Peek

 

"The Conditional Clause" - Part Four

Part Four

            Elsa instinctively created a wall of sharp icicles to separate them from the ferocious wolf that was Merlock the Magician. In the short time they had to come up with a plan, Kevin instructed all of them, “Quick! Get into Kimbyr’s TARDIS!”

            “I don’t think we can get away from him, Kev,” Kimbyr contested. “Something tells me he’ll just keep coming after us, no matter what world we’re in!”

            “We’re not gonna leave,” Kevin told her. “In fact, I’m hoping he does get into the TARDIS.” His statement drew perturbed gazes from the others, wondering what he must’ve had in mind, beaming with such confidence. They didn’t have time to ask as Merlock managed to successfully leap over Elsa’s ice wall, prompting the heroes to take refuge inside the tall, black rectangular solid and close the door behind them.

            Merlock’s talisman glowed, transforming him back into his anthropomorphic form, before shouting to the monolith in front of him, “You can run, Gladiator, but you cannot hide from me!” He proceeded to use his talisman to teleport himself inside Kimbyr’s TARDIS, specifically the empty console room.

            And then, out of nowhere…

            SNAP!

            Merlock’s foot was caught in a mousetrap. He let out a long, loud howl of agony.

            Hobbling on one foot and desperately trying to rip the trap from off his toe, his other foot soon became victim of another mousetrap lying on the console room floor. It was then clear to the magician that the entire floor was littered with mousetraps. “This will not stop me!” he declared and transformed into a falcon to fly over them all.

            It was a clever solution. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long.

            Whoever laid the mousetraps must’ve anticipated his flight solution, as a bucket swooped down from the ceiling and smacked against his feathered body. Merlock was grounded once again, his tail snapping into yet another mousetrap just as he hit the floor. To add insult to injury, the bucket that struck him landed over him, trapping him underneath it.

            Instinctively, he transformed back into his humanoid form, which turned out not to have been such a bright idea. The bucket got stuck on his head. And, as he fought to get it off, he triggered all the other mousetraps on the console room floor, getting his appendages caught in every single one.

            Growling underneath the bucket, Merlock admitted his defeat. He activated his talisman and teleported away, taking with him the bucket on his head and all the mousetraps attached to his body, including the one on his butt.

            Once he departed, Kimbyr and her friends stepped back inside the console room.

            Kimbyr was impressed by the trap laid out by Kevin. “How the heck did you find the time and resources to set all that?!”

            “I’ve had a lotta experience with it,” Kevin said. “I just hate that I didn’t get to use the rest of my old blueprints.” He showed everyone one of his design plans, drawn out in the style of a house with each room having a specific trap. No one was certain whether to be impressed or disturbed by McCallister’s ingenuity.

            Regardless, they were grateful for it, as it was enough to fend off a powerful warlock. In spite of the victory, Howard remained skeptical. “Is he really gone? Like ‘gone for good’?”

            “Only one way to find out,” Kimbyr replied. She opened the door to her ship and gave them a view of the outside. The blizzard created by Merlock had ceased. Much of the snow was already beginning to melt from the dramatic change in climate.

            It was a welcoming sight to the Arendelle residents – Kristoff, Sven, Olaf, Anna, and Elsa. “Everything’s returning to normal,” Elsa said with an air of relief. She looked to Kimbyr, Kevin, Howard, Shyla, Noelle, Woody, and Buzz and told them with a thankful heart, “I don’t know where you all came from, but you saved our kingdom. Thank you…Thank you all.”

            Howard wasn’t sure why he did, but he smiled from Elsa’s gratitude. The smile widened even more after she gave him a kiss on the cheek. As ice-cold as the kiss felt, it gave him a warm feeling on the inside. It wasn’t like he did much to deserve it. He only refused to give up Woody and Buzz in exchange for the Turbo Man.

            But, maybe, that was enough.

-----------------

            With help from Kimbyr’s TARDIS, Noelle and the reindeer (including Snowcone) traversed through the multiverse and arrived at the home of Andy (Woody and Buzz’s owner), where it was late in the evening. Noelle delivered the toys to Andy’s room in Santa fashion, with Kimbyr serving as her “helper elf.”

            “Thanks for everything, ladies,” Woody whispered to them.

            “Take care, my friends,” Buzz saluted. “I hope our paths cross again.”

            “They will,” Kimbyr reassured the toy spaceman. And, with a wink, she uttered, “To infinity and beyond, right?”

            Woody and Buzz climbed in bed with Andy, nestling themselves beneath the boy’s loving arms. It was a scene that touched both Kimbyr and Noelle, but they hadn’t the time to fully appreciate it. Howard, Kevin, Shyla, and all the reindeer were waiting on the rooftop alongside Noelle’s sleigh and Kimbyr’s TARDIS.

            However, just as they returned…

            “Congratulations!” a voice near them boomed, nearly causing Noelle to fall from the roof.

            It turned out to be Scott Calvin, fully adorned in his Santa regalia.

            “You wanna give us a warning next time, Santa!” a still-shaken Howard griped of Scott’s unannounced arrival.

            “Sorry,” Scott muttered in embarrassment. “I just wanted to congratulate you all on a job well done. I also wanted to give you this, Howard.” He reached into his bag and retrieved something that sparked much jubilation from Howard: a Turbo Man action figure, already gift-wrapped (in Turbo Man-themed wrapping). “Just as I promised,” Scott said. “Merry Christmas, Howard.”

            Howard couldn’t believe he was holding it in his hands – for real, this time, with no sinister ploy. Despite his joy, something nagged at the back of his mind: “Was this whole thing a test for me? Get the toy spaceman and cowboy back to their kid and keep them away from the evil magician?”

            Scott coyly shrugged. “I don’t know whatcha talkin’ about, Howard. I just needed a way for Woody and Buzz to get back home.”

            His coy response made Howard chuckle. Typical Santa, he thought.

            “Well, I also need a way home,” Noelle spoke up. “I’m not exactly in my own realm here.”

            “Now that I can help you out with,” Scott volunteered. “I know my way around the North Pole – many of ‘em.” He climbed onboard Noelle’s sleigh and took control of the reins. Sitting beside him, Noelle began to cry, something that Scott quickly noticed. “What’s the matter, kid?”

            “Nothing,” she said, smiling as she wiped away her tears. “It’s just…having you with me on the sleigh…reminds me of my dad.”

            Scott smiled back at her. He then whipped the reins, sending the reindeer and the sleigh soaring to the night sky and vanishing into the clouds.

---------------------

            Kimbyr returned Howard home in her TARDIS. It was the night of Christmas Eve back in his world. He could see his wife and Jamie through the living room window, decorating the tree (which Howard always put the star on). He could see the disappointment in their faces, spending the entire day waiting for him to return on what they were told was a quick stop to the office.

            “I don’t think this is gonna be enough to make up for today,” he lamented, holding the Turbo Man gift in his hand.

            “It will, Howard,” Kimbyr assured him. “Because they’ll see how much you went through just to get it.”

            Howard accepted her reasoning with a simple nod. “Thank you for everything,” he told her. “I’m sorry for ever doubting you.”

            Kimbyr took no offense. “Sometimes it takes to see to believe.”

            She watched Howard go into his house, surprising his wife and son, who weren’t the least bit upset about him coming home so late – especially not once they saw the Turbo Man gift he handed over to the ecstatic Jamie. After many hugs and kisses from his family, he helped put the star on their tree.

            It was a heartwarming scene to observe for not only Kimbyr but Kevin as well, reminded of his own family back in his own dimension. “I think I’m finally ready to go back home,” he told Kimbyr. She figured this a long time ago, and she knew just when and where to drop Kevin off: at the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree.

            There, he was reunited at exactly the right time with his mother, Kate.

            Taking in the final emotional scene of the departing companions she made on this journey, Kimbyr hugged her daughter and wished her, “Merry Christmas, sweetie.”

"The Conditional Clause" - Part Three

 

Part Three

            “That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen!” Noelle exclaimed – the ice palace’s sparkly structure twinkling in her eyes.

            “You took the words right outta my mouth,” Kimbyr said.

            Both women were equally awed by the massive crystalline bastion, the origins of which they were more than curious about. Before they could think to investigate it, they were soon approached by a small wandering group of people: a young woman with long, flowing platinum-blonde hair and wearing a glittering white gown (a bit light for such frigid temperatures); a younger woman with long strawberry-blonde hair and a winter outfit of Norwegian design; a young rugged man with shaggy, shoulder-length blond hair and wearing a thick dark tunic and trousers; a lively reindeer; and – most surprisingly of all – a living snowman!

            “Oh!” the strawberry-blonde gasped. “We didn’t think there could be anyone else out here in the middle of this snowstorm.”

            “I promise you that I wasn’t responsible for it this time,” the platinum-blonde said.

            Her reassurance on the circumstantial weather baffled Kimbyr. “Why would you be responsible for it?”

            “Maybe ‘cause she was responsible for the first one?” the rugged blonde uttered, which earned him an elbow to the gut by the strawberry-blonde, clearly not thinking about what he said before he said it.

            “You ladies must not be from Arendelle,” the platinum-blonde deduced of Kimbyr and Noelle. She then gestured to herself and said, “I’m Elsa.” She then looked to her companions. “This is my sister, Anna, and our friends Kristoff, Sven, and Olaf.” Of the living snowman, she added, “Don’t be too worried about Olaf. He’s harmless.”

            “Oh, he’s okay,” Noelle told Elsa with a giddy smile. “He reminds me so much of my childhood friend, Frosty.” She walked up to Olaf and shook one of his twig arms. “Nice to meet you, Olaf.”

            “Nice to meet you, too, Lady-Dressed-Like-Santa,” Olaf remarked.

            “Actually, I am Santa, but you can call me ‘Noelle’.”

            “Did she just say that she is Santa?” a befuddled Kristoff whispered specifically to Sven, who grunted with a shrug.

            Getting back on topic, Kimbyr asked Elsa, “What did you mean when you said that you weren’t responsible for this snowstorm?”

            Elsa fought through her reluctance to answer. “Well…I was born with this power that allows me to control ice and snow.” She briefly demonstrated by conjuring a small flurry by twirling her left index finger in the air, much to the astonishment of Kimbyr and Noelle. “For so long, I thought they were a curse…but my sister helped me to see that they were blessing. Olaf is living proof of that.” That last testimonial made the little snowman blush – hypothetically, of course, since he had no blood vessels.

            Gathering what Elsa explained, Kimbyr then inquired, “So, if you weren’t the cause of this snowstorm, who else would be capable of causing it?”

            “That’s what we traveled out all this way to find out,” Anna replied. “There has to be someone else with similar powers to Elsa somewhere out here.”

            “I may not be the only one of my kind,” a hopeful Elsa surmised.

            “I don’t think that may be a good thing, Elsa,” Noelle suddenly said, her voice sounding rather uneasy.

            “Why do you think that?” Elsa asked her.

            “Because I’m sensing a very naughty presence up here with us.” Noelle pointed in one direction within the snow-covered forest. “And it’s right that way now as we speak.”

            Kimbyr realized she was pointing in the same direction that she came from earlier.

            “That’s where my TARDIS is!” she cried out in despair.

------------------

            Unable to take the bizarre alien spaceship’s equally bizarre dimensions any longer, Howard stepped out of the TARDIS to catch a breather. It wasn’t any better outside in the insanely frigid temperatures. Why was he even there? He kept asking himself that with every second he was away from home – much further than he cared to be. All he wanted was to get that Turbo Man doll for his son. Was that so much to ask?

            “It’s not too much to ask at all, Mr. Langston.”

            He heard a voice speak beyond the mist, apparently having read his thoughts. It was so dark and snowy that he could barely make out who it was. “Who’s there?” he asked the stranger that somehow knew his last name.

            After a moment, the visitor walked close enough for Howard to discern his physical appearance. He was a bearded, thinly-mustachioed anthropomorphic gray wolf of a gigantic, slender, strong and heavy build in a hooded blue and purple robe with fancy orange patterns, a green talisman hanging down from his neck, and a red sash tied around his waist. A blue cape with a maroon interior flowed from the gusty wind behind him, while his primrose slippers stomped in the snow.

            “What are you?” Howard asked him, put off by this wolf-man character.

            “You may call me ‘Merlock the Magician.’ I am here for you, Mr. Langston. You have gone through such an arduous quest for your son, Jamie. But I’m willing to bring it to a satisfying conclusion, in exchange for two trinkets you have there in that craft behind you.” He specifically gestured to Kimbyr’s TARDIS.

            Obviously, Howard found his offer a little hard to swallow. “Yeah, sure. I’m supposed to believe some guy in a bathrobe can get me a Turbo Man action figure on a snowy mountain?”

            “Believe it or not, I can,” Merlock said before he reached from beneath his cape to retrieve the Turbo Man action figure Howard so desperately sought after. It was there, right in Merlock’s hands, still fresh in the packaging.

            Howard couldn’t believe it. This wolf-man was his savior.

            All he had to do was exchange the cowboy and spaceman toys for the Turbo Man.

            For a fleeting moment, he considered it. But then he heard two kids shout to him, “Don’t do it!” He turned to see Kevin and Shyla standing at the doorway to Kimbyr’s TARDIS. Shyla carried Woody and Buzz in her arms, crying out to Howard, “Don’t give them to him!”

            Howard then saw Kimbyr return to the scene with a whole new group of people, just in time to see him with the Merlock character. Merlock’s ominous presence momentarily startled her and her new friends.

            “Ahh, the Gladiator of Gallifrey,” he mockingly addressed Kimbyr. “Such a lovely face this regeneration of you has. So many others have I seen… each of them a thorn in my side.”

            Kimbyr vaguely recalled ever meeting a being like Merlock. She presumed it to be her personal timeline fluctuating with the magician’s meddling. “Mom!” she heard Shyla cry out to her. “He wants to take Woody and Buzz!”

            “What for?” Kimbyr asked the magician. “Why’re you so interested in two toys?”

            “Their magic,” Merlock told her. “I need it to feed…to become more powerful than imaginable.”

            “You’re powerful enough to create this snowstorm over Arendelle,” Elsa noted.

            “A parlor trick compared to what I can really do, my dear,” Merlock retorted. He then once more offered to Howard, “Your son’s gift for the toys, Mr. Langston, or you will never find another like it in your world or any other.”

            Again, Howard considered the proposal.

            He imagined how happy Jamie would be on Christmas morning, waking up out of bed and running downstairs to open his Turbo Man gift that waited for him under the tree. And then, as if knowing exactly what he was thinking, one of the women Kimbyr returned with – the one dressed like Santa Claus – told him, “I know it would mean the world to Jamie to know you kept your promise to him, Howard. But think of how disappointed another boy would be to wake up and not see his precious toys are gone.”

            Howard didn’t know who this woman was or how she knew so much about his situation (everyone seemed to, all of the sudden), but what she said weighed heavily on his conscience. After much hesitation, he boldly told Merlock, “No deal.”

            In retaliation, Merlock made the Turbo Man package evaporate in his grips.

            The snowstorm around them grew more intense under the magician’s fury, trapping them in a snowy cyclone as he transformed into a full, large ferocious wolf that threatened the very lives of the people who opposed him.

"The Conditional Clause" - Part Two

Part Two

            It finally happened. Howard had gone completely crazy.

            The unyielding hours of work, the constant broken promises made to Jamie, and – to top it all off – the strenuous hunt for that Turbo Man doll. It all finally brought him to his breaking point, and the talking cowboy and spaceman dolls were proof of it. He hadn’t even realized they were still complaining, after he dropped them to the floor in his state of shock.

            “And this is why we hardly ever wake up for grown-ups,” the cowboy griped.

            “Woody, remember what Santa told us,” the spaceman said. “The only way they’ll know where to take us is if we revealed to them that we’re alive.”

            Kevin joined Howard in his astonishment over the living toys. “This is too weird, even for me!”

            Shyla, however, couldn’t have been more overjoyed. “They’re so cute,” she gushed before turning to Kimbyr and asking, “Can we keep them?”

            “No, honey,” Kimbyr denied. “We have to follow in our mission to return them.”

            “Back to Andy,” Woody confirmed. “I still can’t figure how we ended up in the North Pole of all places.” He turned to his intergalactic compatriot and consulted, “You recall any of it, Buzz?”

            Buzz was too preoccupied with ogling the console room of Kimbyr’s TARDIS, which was even more massive in capacity from the perspective of a toy spaceman. “Wow,” he uttered, following a long amused whistle. “This place is amazing!” He looked up towards Kimbyr and asked, “Is this your spacecraft?”

            Kimbyr nodded with a smile. “It is. It’s called a ‘TARDIS’ – short for ‘Time And Relative Dimensions In Space’. Emphasis on ‘dimensions’.” She proceeded to scan Woody and Buzz with her sonic screwdriver, a device that alarmed the toys.

            “Wa-Wha-What’re you doing?!” Woody exclaimed. “Are you probing us?!”

            Kimbyr snickered. “No, not at all. I’m just taking a sample of your nuage signature to input into the TARDIS, so that it can pinpoint your home dimension.” She demonstrated this by inserting the sonic through an open socket on the control console.

            “Energy signature manipulation – brilliant!” Buzz praised of the idea.

            Woody felt like he made a wrong turn into a nerd convention. Kimbyr was practically resurging Buzz’s space ranger delusions with all her techno mumbo jumbo. But, as long as it helped get them back to Andy, he allowed it.

            Shortly after connecting the sonic with the TARDIS mainframe, the passengers experienced strange turbulence within the infinite DC. Kimbyr brought up the dimensional corridor itself on the viewscreen, seeing how a weird snowstorm had frozen it entirely. “What the…?!” she gasped before instinctively pulling a lever that forced her TARDIS into an emergency dematerialization.

            It reemerged in the middle of a snow-covered forest. The travelers stepped out into a temperature that was well below zero degrees, forcing them to retreat back inside the TARDIS.

            “This is not where we’re supposed to be,” Kimbyr gathered.

            “Clearly,” Woody pessimistically said. “It was the middle of summer when we disappeared from Andy’s house.”

            Kimbyr began to bundle herself in a warm coat. “Howard, do me a favor and look after Shyla, Kevin, and the toys while I’m gone,” she instructed.

            “Where are you going?” Howard asked.

            “Out to investigate where we are, of course,” Kimbyr remarked.

            Needless to say, Howard was displeased at this. “And you’re sticking me with the babysitting?!”

            “I won’t be gone for very long,” Kimbyr bolstered, though it did nothing to quell Howard’s frustrations. He was already in deeper than he wanted into this situation with a short, black-haired woman he met in a mall and took him out of his depth of reality, leaving him to deal with children (that weren’t even his) and living toys (neither of which were Turbo Man).

            Shortly after Kimbyr’s departure, Shyla took advantage of the free playtime she had with Woody and Buzz, now that their return home was temporarily delayed. This left Kevin the only one standing with Howard in the console room.

            “Hey, kid,” Langston addressed the boy.

            “The name’s Kevin.”

            “Alright, Kevin. Let me ask you something. How did a boy like you end up traveling across the Twilight Zone? Isn’t your family worried about you?”

            “My family doesn’t even know I disappeared. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

            “You ran away from home?”

            “No. I didn’t run away – not on purpose. I boarded the wrong flight out of Chicago and wound up in New York where I met Kimbyr. She promised that she would return me to my family.”

            “And how long has that been now?”

            Kevin hesitated to answer. Noting his hesitation, Howard planted the seeds of doubt in the boy. “She doesn’t even intend on returning you home, does she? She’s kidnapped you, just like she kidnapped me! How much do you know about this woman – if we can call her that?”

            “Shut up,” Kevin retorted. “You don’t know whatcha talkin’ about.”

            Howard watched the rebellious child storm out of the console room, feeling guilty of himself for going so far in his assumptions. Yet he had to assume the worst about this strange and possibly dangerous situation he was trapped in.

-------------------

            Ten minutes into her lone expedition, Kimbyr’s legs already felt numb beneath her black yoga pants. Wherever dimension her TARDIS brought them to, it was the coldest she had ever been since that research station in 1982 Antarctica. Aw, man…I certainly hope that’s not where we are, she dismally thought. I can’t risk losing a hand again!

            She was snapped out of her flashback as soon as she stumbled on what appeared to have been a sleigh with eight reindeer connected to it. The sight of it made her wonder if the TARDIS had brought them back to the North Pole. But then she noticed a young brunette come into view, dressed like Santa Claus.

            “Second year as Santa and I’m way off-course from where I should be,” she mumbled to herself (or presumably the reindeers).

            “Uh, excuse me?” Kimbyr addressed the woman, who jumped in fright from the sudden sound of her voice. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare ya.”

            “N-No, it’s okay,” the brunette told her. “Where did you come from?”

            Kimbyr put on a timid smirk. “Ehh, that’s a long story. I’m more concerned as to where I am now.”

            “That’s what we’re trying to figure out, too.”

            Kimbyr looked on the brunette’s reindeer entourage and back on the brunette afterwards, recognizing the familiar way in which she was dressed. “Are you supposed to be…Santa Claus?” she asked her.

            “I’m not ‘supposed’ to be,” the brunette said. “I am Santa Claus.”

            “A girl Santa,” Kimbyr processed the notion for a brief moment. “Very cool.”

            The brunette was elated to hear her approval. She stuck her red-gloved hand out to Kimbyr and formerly introduced herself: “My name’s Noelle – my birth name, I mean.”

            Kimbyr’s black-gloved hand met with Noelle’s. “I’m Kimbyr.”

            “Yeah, I know.”

            This surprised Kimbyr. “Really? Have we met before? ‘Cause that sort of thing happens a lot in my lives…er…life.”

            “It’s one of my gifts as Santa,” Noelle explained. “I just know every detail about someone just looking at them. Like I know you’ve traveled from very, very far away and taken it upon yourself and your friends to return two lost toys to a boy, on a promise you’ve made to another Santa – Scott, I think his name is.”

            Kimbyr was spellbound by how accurate she was in detail. “You are Santa!”

            Her attention on Noelle was soon diverted to a small white reindeer that descended to their location of the forest. Noelle warmly greeted the tiny creature just as it landed, “Snowcone! What did you find?” Snowcone answered by bobbing his head towards a specific direction.

            Noelle and Kimbyr followed him on foot through the trees and along a snowy ridge. They stopped in their tracks just as Snowcone did when they spotted, in the distance, a massive and majestic ice palace constructed on the side of a mountain.

"The Conditional Clause" - Part One

Part One

            All Howard Langston wanted was to get a Turbo Man action figure with movable arms and legs, a boomerang shooter, a rock’n ’roller jetpack, and a realistic voice activator that said five different phrases, including “It’s Turbo Time!”

            It wasn’t for him, of course. It was for his son, Jamie.

            Howard had already broken one too many promises with him. This Turbo Man toy, his Christmas gift to him, was the only way to make up for it. Unfortunately for Howard, every single store from Minnesota to Kingdom Come was sold out of the Turbo Man action figure. All that was left was Turbo Man’s sidekick Booster (but nobody cared about him).

            Hope seemed to have been lost until Howard met a young woman named Kimbyr who had been Christmas shopping with her 10-year-old daughter, Shyla. She caught wind of Howard’s major dilemma and told him that she knew exactly where to find the toy he was looking for. Howard was so desperate that he didn’t even catch the name of the place where Kimbyr told him to find it; he only accepted her invitation to take him there.

            The next thing Howard knew, he was the passenger of a bizarre alien spaceship of some kind that belonged to Kimbyr and her daughter. He had seen it outside the outlet mall but didn’t give it much of a thought, figuring it only to have been a piece of art deco.

            Another child was already there when he boarded: a blond boy who was the same age as Shyla and went by the name of Kevin McCallister. According to Kimbyr, she found Kevin lost and alone in New York City one day and offered to bring him back to his family in her odd alien spaceship, which she called her “TARDIS” (whatever that meant). However, that was three months ago. Kevin seemed to have enjoyed traveling with Kimbyr so much that he’s postponed his return home.

            Howard obviously didn’t intend on staying that long. All he wanted was to get to the place where Kimbyr claimed the Turbo Man action figure could be found. When he asked Kimbyr – as a reminder – where they were headed, he nearly blew a gasket after she replied, “The North Pole.”

            “You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Howard bellowed with his distinctive Austrian accent. “How did I let myself get suckered into this craziness?!”

            “Desperation?” Kevin was quick to remind him.

            “I know how it sounds, Mr. Langston,” Kimbyr told him. “But I promise you that where we’re headed is very real. Santa will hook you up with that Turbo Man action figure for your son.”

            “He’ll use Christmas magic,” Shyla vouched for her mother. “I met him myself.”

            Kevin rolled his eyes at the girl’s naivety. “No, you didn’t. You met some old guy in a mall.”

            “Nuh-uh,” Shyla denied. “It was really him.”

            “You boys are about to feel real silly,” Kimbyr proclaimed right after she yanked on a lever from the hexagonal control console at the center of the room. Her TARDIS made a humming, grinding noise that stopped after yanking on the lever a second time.

            Together, they stepped out and into an entirely different climate.

            No longer were they in front of an outlet mall in Minnesota. They were in a village that seemed to have been just where Kimbyr said it was – the North Pole. Surrounded by snow and mountains, the village was occupied by elven denizens engaged in various activities, from feeding and training reindeer to touching up Christmas decorations.

            Neither Howard nor Kevin knew what to make of what they had seen.

            Kimbyr, arms crossed, smiled big and wide at them. “Feelin’ silly yet?” she asked. Once she had her fun, she approached one of the elves – a dignified-looking sort that wore rounded glasses and was a bit tubby. “Excuse me, sir? Do you happen to know where Santa is right now?”

            “Of course I know,” the elf barked, sounding offended. “I wouldn’t be the Number 2 elf if I didn’t know.” He pointed towards one mansion of a building that stood out from the rest of the village. “He’s right there in his workshop-slash-house…and he’s been expecting you.”

            Kimbyr eagerly led the group to Santa’s workshop/house. It certainly appeared much bigger on the inside (hyperbolically, of course) with one lavish interior design. To Howard, it was like walking into another mall during Christmastime with an overabundance of trimmings. Elves were among a multitude of stations, constructing toys and even video game consoles that were hot commodities in stores. Unfortunately, none of them was the Turbo Man action figure Howard sought after.

            That’s where he hoped Kimbyr’s dear friend, Santa Claus, would be of assistance. They arrived at his office, which also served as his personal quarters with a living room and bedchamber. Howard and Kevin were amazed by how much larger the real Santa was in person. “He’s the size of a planet,” Kevin said under his breath.

            “I heard that!” Santa reprimanded McCallister.

            When she first laid eyes on this Santa, Kimbyr sensed something different about him. “You’re not quite the same one I met before,” she told him.

            “That’s ‘cause I’m a Santa who didn’t exactly start out as Santa,” he said. “My real name is Scott Calvin. I was the executive of a toy company. I got to be King of the North Pole only because the last guy fell off my roof the night before Christmas.”

            “Whoa!” Kevin exclaimed. “You offed Santa and took his job?!”

            “No, I didn’t ‘off’ Santa,” Scott fervidly negated.

            “Regardless of how you got the job, can I still count on you to give my new friend Howard here the Turbo Man toy he wants for his son?” Kimbyr implored of Scott.

            “Of course,” Scott happily assured, much to Kimbyr and (especially) Howard’s relief. But that relief was short-lived when Scott then added, “On one condition.” He momentarily turned around, his bulbous red back towards them, and returned with two unique toys in his hands: a pull-string cowboy doll and a spaceman action figure. “I need you to bring these toys to a boy who doesn’t realize he has lost them.”

            Shyla looked on the cowboy and spaceman curiously. “How did he lose them?”

            “Well, he didn’t actually lose them,” Scott reiterated. “They’re from another dimension. They showed up here in my workshop by complete accident.”

            Howard felt like his brain was about to pop. “Let me get this straight, Santa,” he uttered Scott’s christened name with an air of condescendence. “You want all of us to do your job and play Santa for one kid?!”

            The very idea overjoyed Kimbyr.

            That was until Scott clarified, “More like Santa’s Little Helpers.”

            Thankfully, it didn’t deter her resolve. “We’ll do it,” she graciously accepted the mission, much to the chagrin of Howard.

            He didn’t let up on his complaints, even after they departed the North Pole and reality itself in Kimbyr’s TARDIS. “This is ridiculous! You drag me out to nowhere on Christmas Eve, tell me ‘Santa Claus’ can give me the Turbo Man doll at the North Pole, and now we’re stuck delivering toys to one kid none of us know!”

            “It doesn’t matter whether we know him or not, Howard,” Kimbyr said. “Santa trusted us with this job and we’ve gotta do it.”

            “No!” Howard exploded. “What I’ve gotta do is get back home in time for Christmas with or without that toy for my son – preferably with!”

            “And you’ll get back, I promise,” Kimbyr reassured.

            Howard now knew how Jamie felt with those last two words. “What do you know about keeping promises,” he snapped at her. “You promised me Santa would get me what I wanted, and he gave us this!” He snatched up the cowboy and spacemen toys that rested on the TARDIS control console. “A couple of dumb novelties!”

            “Who you callin’ a novelty, pal?!”

            Howard didn’t quite understand at first who said that. It was a man’s voice, yet he was the only adult male aboard the alien spaceship. He then looked down and fleetingly suspected it might have been one of the toys he held. But what were the odds that one of its catchphrases just happened to have followed what he said about it?

            And then…he saw both the cowboy and the spaceman moving and talking all on their own. “Yeah, we’re alive, partner,” the cowboy said to Howard. “And again I ask, who are you calling a novelty?!”